The unspeakable has happened. In an ill-fated Facebook post, UBC Confessions announced that it would officially be closing its doors and ending this chapter in the university’s history.
For the account’s loyal followers like myself who found every opportunity (riding on the bus, scrolling during a boring class, etc.) to revel in the depths of UBC fuckery, the announcement came as a huge blow.
Where am I supposed tag my friends so we can take wild guesses at who wrote this especially nasty confession? How are we to know if all the chicken across campus is still undercooked?
That being said, I won’t miss hearing online about strangers’ bodily fluids around campus.
This feels like the end of a particularly crusty era.
Since UBC Confessions has closed, I have an infinite amount of time on my hands (I mean when I’m not scrolling through UBC Crushes hoping to see my name pop up). So, I’m sharing with you a list of potential replacements for UBC Confessions.
Nothing can ever truly replace the OG in our hearts, but maybe thinking of some alternatives might dull the pain.
Reddit is the world’s version of UBC Confessions. Given that so many students already use r/UBC to post shit about the university, it seems like a (somewhat) smooth transition.
Pros: It already has a lot of shit-talkers who are more than happy to spill their own/the university’s dirty secrets.
Cons: Do normal people use Reddit? Sorry.
The Greek life homies already have their own separate portal to leak anonymous confessions on each other.
Pros: You get dirt on some really controversial characters in the university party scene.
Cons: Once you get past how generally toxic all the confessions on Greekrank are, it just feels like high school… and who wants to go back there?
Release confessions V for Vendetta style
Now this calls for some good ol’ anarchy! What better way to continue UBC Confessions’ chaotic legacy than to take over the TV and PA systems across campus and expose secrets for all the world to see? After all, the public demands an answer.
Bonus points if you wear the Guy Fawkes mask from V for Vendetta, but I’ll accept the T-Bird outfit, too.
Pros: It’ll give artsy kids something to do. Method acting, baby!
Cons: Nobody wants to hear about raw chicken while literally eating it.
Honestly, I’m at that point in the year where my philosophy can be accurately summed up in two words: ‘who cares?’
I mean, sure, oversharing in real life is not as gratifying as doing it anonymously online with 56,000 UBC community members, but who said you had to do it with people you know?
My advice? Start telling the most random people about the stuff you’ve done.
Old lady on the bus? You can overshare guilt-free. Checkout lady at the grocery store? She needs something entertaining in her day anyway.
Pros: You officially get to live without a filter and embrace your best chaotic self.