Everyone knows how to recognize Sauder students on campus. You see a suit and a briefcase, and it’s an instant indicator that you are in the presence of a finance student. That, and the subtle hissing that follows them wherever they go (is ‘Sauder Snake’ even funny anymore?).
And before you ask, yes, this is absolutely inspired by some ‘millionaire mindset’ posts I saw while doom-scrolling on Instagram into the late hours of the night.
Please enjoy. I am not liable for the multiple hours of your life you will lose to Sauder student rants if you do choose to put any of these into practice.
‘Why can’t we just print more money?’
A classic line. Of course, we all know why we can’t print more money, but I take great joy in pretending like I just don’t get it. Say this one loudly, while walking past any flock of business students in ill-fitting suits. Bonus points if one of them actually approaches you and explains how money works. Double bonus points if you respond with “I don’t believe in money.”
‘Nice suit! Is it polyester?’
This one has to be said completely genuinely. No sarcasm whatsoever. Full-on, doe-eyed innocence. Really sell it by asking where he bought it. The more expensive it looks, the more inexpensive the brand you should suggest. Ask him if it’s the Joe Fresh spring collection.
‘What faculty are you in? Arts?’
I am an arts student and I love arts. I am allowed to say this. I’m just saying if you want to really tick off an Armani-adorned Sauder student, a fun little question like this will be sure to set some of their pristinely slicked-back hairs out of place.
‘Crypto is _____’
I left a handy blank line in there because chances are, anything you say about crypto will be wrong to them, likely prompting a black-coffee-fuelled rant (did you know Sauder students have like, a free coffee machine or something? I’m not jealous, I swear) on why what you said is, in fact, incorrect.
‘You study finance? My friend works at Moneytree, I bet you guys have a lot in common!’
This one. Gold. Any other crappy loans agency will do. Feel free to sub in Moneytree for Neo Financial, everyone’s favourite on-campus finance bullies.
I’m sorry, I think I’m really funny. I have friends in Sauder. Don’t hate me.