This past Thursday, I met a man who irrevocably changed my life as I know it.
It happened at the seventh co-op networking luncheon of the month. Eager to show off my knowledge of networking from the last co-op workshop: How to Succeed in Business by Marketing Your Personal Trauma, I came decked in my finest suit: a singular blue beauty that I explained was made from the tears my parents shed when they found out being in Co-op meant at least another term’s worth of Vancouver-penthouse-apartment rent. I received much praise from fellow job hunters, one of whom I particularly connected with over his plans to adapt The Fountainhead to the world of Instagram influencers.
I also conversed with prospective employers on various work issues, such as the importance of good bosses — “My new boss encouraged me to screen future employees based on whether they could rent out their parents in case some of our clients go bankrupt!” — and of course, how very often we seemed to bump into each other but still could not remember anyone’s names.
Then, I saw him: Pierre Coq-au-Vin, former head of emerging and latent polyglots at Gloop, now heading his own Vancouver-based Queer lifestyle start-up called “Coq-Up.” I swaggered up and outright said to him, “I am such a big fan of your work in developing smegma-scented poppers! What’s your take on the start-up scene?” He swung his arm around my shoulder and gurgled, “Take it from me, kid: Mallorca. Trust-fund daddy. Optimizing Circle. Wait, who are you again?”